You’ve probably heard me express concerns about what might happen to General Motors after the government takeover, which has now, unfortunately, come to pass. Regardless of whether or not what’s left of GM begins to do business again, the Proud General is dead as a car company.
My guess is it will be reduced to building mail-delivery vehicles and “clown” cars for lower-level government officials, and all the vehicles will be painted white (to fight climate change, of course) and have a built-in microchip that will tell some federal data base whenever the vehicle exceeds the speed limit.
OK, I’m exaggerating - probably. But the latest news from the company - actually, from the government - about who’ll be running the place leads me to believe I may not be exaggerating all that much.
The new GM chairman is Edward E. Whitacre, Jr. He was CEO of AT&T and retired with about $158 million. After his appointment as GM chairman, he was very plain-spoken about his qualifications.
“I don’t know anything about cars,” is how he put it. But he also said he believed the business principles were the same, and he thought he could learn about cars. I like his candor, and it may help him bond with his new boss, who gives the impression that he doesn’t know anything about anything. Except maybe politics.
Anyway, Whitacre does have a couple of other things going for him, too. He’s reputedly a man of action, and he doesn’t like long meetings. I also read that during some senate hearings while he was at AT&T his responses to questions were reportedly characterized as “contemptuous” by none other than “Mr. Political Expediency,” Arlen Specter. Sounds like Whitacre knows contemptible senators when he sees them, and also knows how to deal with them. That will almost certainly come in handy as he fulfills his job responsibilities.         
Besides, how long could it take to learn about cars? I figure Whitacre will be up to speed in no time at all. So, I support the guy, though the chances are extremely remote that I’d ever buy a car from him.
Nonetheless, I’d like to suggest that in honor of Whitacre’s willingness to come out of retirement to “save” GM, the company should consider naming a new vehicle after him. Something along the lines of what Ford did with the Edsel. Since Ford was the only company that avoided the toxic federal bailout funding, maybe GM would do well to pay attention to how they do things.
The first name that occurred to me was “Big Ed,” in honor of Whitacre’s nickname. I realize that the new GM vehicles will be anything but big, but the name would dovetail nicely with the new administration’s penchant for calling things the exact opposite of what they really are. At six-foot-four, Whitacre probably wouldn’t even be able to comfortably drive it. But hey, I’m sure it’ll be “big” on fuel economy and “big” on creating a small carbon footprint.  
A name that appeals to me more, though, is “The Fast Eddie.” It wouldn’t be fast, of course. Maybe 0-60 sometime in the foreseeable future. Sad to say, the days of building fast cars are behind GM now.
There is one way, though, in which that adjective might be accurately used to describe GM’s new status and new direction in vehicle manufacturing.
It’s just one more example of the government pulling a fast one. -RB